Take that opportunity with no regrets.

  • Life

This draft was actually written a year ago. This was me reluctantly deciding if I’m going for my first overseas trip or not. A year after this, I ticked off one thing in my bucket list. Allow me to share the draft prior to the release of “The First and Last Journey” this Monday, 7pm Manila time on Facebook and YouTube.

I am looking at my Facebook feed, and I see some of my friends go to other places, with their smiling faces; and I can’t help but feel so jealous.

They are there, enjoying their stay; while I am here, resting, looking at them, interacting with them online. “I wish I was there,” I told to myself.

“I wish I was there.” I can’t catch up with them. I just can’t.

I think that is the peak of being a fan — going to an event overseas. Looking at my situation here, where I’m having a headache deciding if I have to go to Davao next year or not.

The things you (want to do) for love. For the love of it.

If you can’t do it, you feel numb and useless. If the horrible traffic and abruptly-changing weather conditions turn you into a zombie, you’ve ain’t seen nothing. If life hits me hard and tells me “I can’t go there; I just can’t,” that will keep me at night and can put me to sleep in the day.

Things are rushing into your mind. Regret. Regret that you are still hesitant to grab the opportunity. You already had your hands on it but because you think of other responsibilities that it let go faster than you expected. Faster than you thought. Faster because you’ll have to make a lot of excuses afterwards.

I just want to live simple, but I want to live within my means. No debt. I swear that I won’t be in debt — and if I got into it, it should be a small debt (less than a thousand pesos) and I have to pay it fast.

Worst of all, I can’t even finish this narrative because once that I hit publish I won’t be able to monitor who will be looking at this. One day, my mom or dad will look at this. My bosses today or in the future might see this. Just this little piece of selfishness can affect my career now or in the future more than having been banned in the media list for two major events.

Moreover, as much as you would like to say “I don’t care,” you still do. After all, you only have one life — and even if you have to erase yourself from this world just because it doesn’t fit your ideals and aspirations, look, nobody cares.

All they see is you right now, and they won’t bother looking at the backstory as to why this is you. Either you are too afraid to show it to them because you don’t want to bother them or they just don’t want to.

What I have now are due to me searching for places where I share my voice, by the materials and opportunities that are given to me, and the faith that I have. I’m really thankful for these gifts.

What you have seen is something that I have to let out. Trust issues aside, I’m still a kid who wants candy — only this time, the candy I want is just too far to reach. This cycle of sadness will be over soon — in a decade or less, I think?

…well, here we are. I’ve just finished my trip to Singapore. Now all that it takes is for me to tell ma that I went there. I don’t have the will to do so. I don’t want to be in another argument where money is involved. No one wants to.

I may write (or record) my year-ender to cap off 2018, and I’ll keep you posted, as always. Happy holidays.