I ate burger steak in another dimension

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  • Post category:Events / Food
  • Post last modified:22 October 2019

…or, my Cafeterium /Kal·de·as/ experience

It’s been long since I’m able to take pleasure in the fruits of my labor, and so I did it again — this time, I paid a group of mages to transport me to a different dimension.

I had already paid my dues to the mages as soon as they announced the trip, and setting aside the delay because of the onslaught of Typhoon Ompong, I guess the wait was worth it. The good thing about paying the dues is that I don’t need to go to a local currency exchange as they accept local currency (Php 1 = 1 Quartz).

I am transported to a secret gathering inside Chaldea, and they refer to that gathering as Cafeterium Chaldeas. It’s so secret, they have requested me not to take photos of the figures who have welcomed us in their humble abode. Some of them dressed in their casual clothing, some as either maids or butlers.

It was time for them to welcome us. The Napoleon of Crime, James Moriarty, briefed us on what will happen.

In that gathering, we are the masters for the day. We are given the right to command a servant based on the value we paid beforehand.

Afterward, we are guided to our chosen places. After a few moments, I got approached by a notable figure in Chaldea — none other than Dr. Romani Archaman.

Just as I have been taken to my place, I saw my AniZone colleagues in front of me. I didn’t think that I’ll be placed in that space with friends since I went alone and early from the assigned schedule of 12 on the clock. That got my hope of having a good time up.

In this dimension, I’ve felt I’ve met familiar personas hosting the figures such as Gilgamesh (Caster), Artoria Pendragon (Zero), Illyasviel and even Berserker of Black!

As we wait for our temporary status as masters, Moriarty called our attention. With him is a mug that says “King of the Remote,” and with him is Archer with a small yellow bag. The mug has the names of the servants present, while the bag has a list of orders. Most of the masters there may refer to it as gacha, but I refer to it as a light Russian Roulette, exaggeratedly speaking. I don’t know what will happen to me once I pick my combination.

Sure enough, some masters got the servants from the other table, but it’s quite odd that I got the one with me from the start — Dr. Archaman himself.

The command was for Dr. Archaman to sit on my lap.

“Oh.”

So he did. I was at a loss for words, but I didn’t fail to ask him if he’s OK afterward. I’m good.

That was just mild — the other temporary masters-to-be? Not so much. Look, even Moriarty got so much scared with a combination someone picked, his mustache fell off and he had to grow one again with the power of magic. That reminds me, he called for Merlin to assist him with that.

If I can force someone from that area to speak their narrative about this so-called mini-game, I will do; but I have to keep my composure.

We continued our small talk with the colleagues in the table — joining us is Artoria (Zero) and Dr. Archaman who also offered water to us as we roll — until the time has come that we summon our servants as masters for that day.

The one on my left has successfully summoned Mash Kyrielight. The one on my right was able to summon Artoria (Zero) who is just with us.

Do you know whom I’ve summoned? Gilgamesh (Archer).

The King of Kings. This weakling has summoned the King of Kings! I have been blessed by some kind of luck to summon Gilgamesh (Archer)!

So we met.

Having knowledge of the King of Kings in this universe, I perceived him as a cold person who is much boastful than this loudmouth of a yuppie. I don’t know what approach I will give to him — until I realized he’s keeping it calm. He’s chill about this whole gathering. Gilgamesh? Chill? About this?

Of course, he still does not serve anyone — he’s being served — yet, he chose to take time off his throne and serve me.

Just a few moments after, I just saw Artoria (Zero) serve what seems to be chicken fillet… that felt so wrong, considering that I’m facing THE BURGER KING. I asked Gilgamesh (Archer), “What are our choices?”

He replied with two: That, or Burger Steak.

I went with the flow and asked for the latter, much to the awkwardness of the situation.

I intended to visit Chaldea for lunch (and go back in the present dimension to host Otaku Musika at Tiendesitas), and I was greeted with this medium-sized burger steak that is not too small for me to be unsatisfied, not too large for me to waste it, but just right for me to have a full tummy.

Complementing this is a chocolate shake in a glass jar with ice cream on a stick and wafers in it. The steak also tasted just right for my palate; and while the shake felt too sweet for me, I can request water to balance it out.

Speaking of Gilgamesh (Archer), I remember that there’s another Gilgamesh who discovered this area called the Fairview Leyline. It’s revered as a Summoners’ Paradise, although there are risks in partaking in it. You may want to ask your friends if they know this.

I looked at the clock. My time’s running out. I’ve got to do something. I asked my colleagues for suggestions, but in the end, I went to challenge Gilgamesh (Archer) to an arm-wrestling match.

I called for witnesses. This is epic. I can feel it.

Moriarty proctored the match. Being me, I didn’t set any wagers. It’s all in the spirit of fun.

The signal’s off. I tried to turn the tables to my favor, but foolish me is challenging the King of Kings with the strength of around ten times as me. Thinking I can win over this power is insanity.

He set my arm down in a few seconds. I lost the game. The witnesses have documented the ordeal. We get back to our places.

Someone rang the bell. It’s calling for the attention of us fellow masters.

It’s Berserker of Black. She has with her this box of pictures that serve as mementos inside the Cafeterium.

She spoke the words of optimism. It doesn’t matter what she was doing, SHE SPOKE. SHE SPOKE WITH SUCH CLEAR WORDS. I have understood her thoughts. “She must’ve been taught by Moriarty,” I overheard.

I can afford her offer, so I paid 20 Quartz to pick a photo. I just expect for three photos like what my colleagues got, but I got just one.

The Berserker of Black rejoiced, ringing the bell in her hand. I got a special photo.

I was asked to pick a memento of Jeanne d’Arc or Mash. I chose the latter. It is a keychain of Mash. I believe it was processed through the help of some engineers and machinists inside Chaldea, but in the real world, this is made out of hardened acrylic, edge-carved to perfection.

While I am glad about the happy distraction, I still have a problem: My time’s still running out. I don’t want to waste my experience as a master for a day in this gathering.

I called for a janken match against Gilgamesh. As with the previous challenge, I called for witnesses — but this time, we had a wager: If I win, he will give me another chance to command him, but if I lose, I’ll only have one more command in my perusal.

It’s a race to three, one-blow janken match. Rock. Paper. Scissors. I hesitated to choose scissors as he’s more into paper and rock. Paper, maybe because he is a conqueror of some sort. Rock, maybe because his throne stands solid?

Then again, I lose.

Artoria (Zero) asked me if I am satisfied with my overall experience inside Chaldea — I proudly said: “All of my sufferings, for this? I am happy.” Grateful is an understatement. Look, these figures don’t know I’m turning a new leaf the day after, but they still gave me a great birthday present.

Time is up for me. I asked Gilgamesh (Archer) one last command. “Let’s have a bro-hug.” So we did.

“I’m looking forward to seeing you in another dimension soon.”

“You too.”

He then left afterward.

I looked at my colleague to the right. He’s in a dire situation. He has not done anything yet. Artoria (Zero) is disappointed with him. He tries to justify, but we ask him to do something for Artoria (Zero).


Before we continue, here’s an odd sidenote: A day before this, I was a judge in the Otaku Musika singing competition at Tiendesitas, and I saw this cute Aya Maruyama who sang and danced to the tune of Pastel☆Palettes’ Shuwarin☆Drea~min.

As soon as we are finished judging the first half, she was nowhere to found. At the end of the day, I tried looking for tips from my information network. turns out she’s going to a parallel dimension.

The lead I found states this name: Florence Nightingale.

As soon as I got on my table, I asked Artoria (Zero) if she’s present in the gathering. Turns out, she’s among the servants present. The persona hosting her is quite fantastic — one day, she’s a cute person, the next day, Florence Nightingale is with her. It’s like day and night!

Towards the end of the gathering, Moriarty said that everyone can go wild — and so I did.

As soon as I approached her, I stated the magic words with the compass: “Shuwa, shuwa…” That started my small talk with the persona hosting her until I was told by a witness: “You have to run.”

Ahahahahahaha…. I’m in danger.

The small talk I had got cut, and I had to hail for transport back to the current dimension.

I may have broken some rules of engagement as I did it, but I felt that it was worth it. I’m effusive about this.


It’s unbelievable to see the servants serving masters like us and in action. If only the watchtower is open and accepting of this, then I can request to be transported there more often.

Either way, this must be fate.


tl;dr

I quite dragged you to a long narrative of 1,762 words, so here are the points you need to know:

  • The ambiance is welcoming.
  • The food is good — the burger steak is delicious, the shake’s a bit too sweet but you can balance it with water.
  • I got a Mash acrylic keychain as a special prize in the bromide gacha.
  • I challenged Gilgamesh to an arm-wrestling challenge, and then a rock-paper-scissors challenge, both of which I lost.
  • I want a part two of this.
  • I recommend this for all fans of the Fate /verse— while I only watch the first installment of the “Heaven’s Feel” movie as well as some episodes of Prisma Illya, the whole Carnival Phantasm and the ongoing Today’s Menu for the Emiya Family, I didn’t felt discriminated. Fate/, to begin with, is a dark story.
  • What they are doing is already well-done, just a few tweaks and they will be wonderful. This one is for the books, meaning scholars can take advantage of this in their scholarly Customer Experience research. I want to see a study on this. Make it happen, guys!
  • I paid Php600 for this, and the breakdown is well-justified. That is aside from the goodies I got.
  • I didn’t think that I will be able to juggle two activities in different places with time so short. Thanks, Angkas for helping me go from point A to B.
  • My luck in gacha that day must have come from the King of Kings.
  • If only the Department of Tourism can support these kinds of activities, that would be grrrreat. But that’s just me.

There are some stories that I left out of this story, but the gist of the experience is still intact. Congratulations to the team of Cafeterium Chaldeas for a job well done. Special thanks to AniZone for having me cover this event.